In today’s Family Jewels guest blog post, Zeeshan Hamid of Why My Hair Don’t Grow No More explains why, despite the inflated prices, constant complaining and long distance, he is planning his family’s return to Disney World.
Navigating Disney World with kids, especially my three, requires expertise in Guerrilla warfare. I somehow missed the memo that explained that prerequisite.
Jokes aside, if you have no expertise in mobile military tactics or strategies to combat a larger opposition, then you may want to just skip it. If you have three young children, then prepare for them to repeat these phrases for six hours every day: “But I didn’t want to do this,” or “But I don’t want to be here,” or “When are we going there?” or, finally, “But you said we could do that today!” Sorry kids, we had to do a little bit of this and a little bit of that and a little bit of here and a little bit of there. Next time I will just do whatever the heck I want if I get complaints anyway. And at the end of the day, try to get at least one of your children to cry in utter disappointment, claiming she had no fun because you did not take her to that ride or that she does not want to leave yet.
If you have ever taken the kids to a park and had to drag them out of it, kicking and screaming, then, well, you have something to work with. Take that and multiply it by, umm, 750. That’s what you would be getting yourself into at Disney World. Are you ready for that?
As well, people at Disney World don’t really know what things cost everywhere else on the planet. Kids got their faces painted: $39. They got hats: $60. Oh, and don’t even ask what my wife’s souvenir sweatshirt cost. It would hurt less if it was made in North America, but it came from the same sweatshops everything else comes from.
There is one reason to go, and for that reason I am already planning our second trip, even though I went there just two months ago: they manage to tire kids enough that they sleep without any drama. They did not get thirsty or hungry. They did not get headaches or nightmares. They just crashed and slept, sometimes at 6:30. It made the entire day of “But I am not even having fun!” totally worth it.
You may think I am not being honest, but there were nights I cried tears of joy. I timed all rides and ran around with the kids in utter delight, thinking about what was to come that night: a peaceful sleep.
Zeeshan Hamid is a married father of three, community activist, Milton council candidate for ward 8 and author of Why My Hair Dont Grow No More.