Being a father is not what you think. Here are five truths about fatherhood that need to be told:
1. Ignore all parenting advice They’ll tell you when to wean (do they not know that fathers can’t nurse?), how to nap them and what to feed. Every night before going to bed stand in front of the mirror and practise your “I am so grateful for the advice” smile and an “I am so agreeing with you” nod.
2. Be patient There was a three-letter word that started with “s” and ended on “ex”. Then you had a baby. This is nature’s birth control. If she doesn’t want it, then she doesn’t want it. (She’ll come around; give her time.)
3. Control your urge to make grand statements about punishment I have been known to say: “If you touch the TV one more time I swear to God I will move your bed into the garage and you will live there forever.” The only thing that happens after that is that you have to pretend you did not see him touch the TV.
4. Master multi-tasking My three-year-old, when he was being potty-trained, would whip his pants off whenever nature called and relieve himself right then and there. By the end of it, I could wipe his behind with one hand, keep the cat away using my feet and clean the floor with the second hand, all while having an important meeting on the phone.
5. Accept that you will use television as a babysitter once in a while (like a few times an hour) It will not banish your children to a lifetime of behavioural issues, and it does not make you a bad parent. Remember, you are only using it to think of more ways to be an even awesomer father than you already are.
By Zeeshan Hamid, dad of three and blogger behind hairdontgrow.com