Looking to add a little spice to your life? This Valentine’s Day, Robin Milhausen, sexual health and relationship expert, and the makers of Trojan, want you to turn up the heat! The following tips and tricks will help you kick it up a notch, mix up your routine and enhance pleasure and intimacy in your relationship.
There’s nothing like hotel or vacation sex. Having sex in a new environment can help us feel more spontaneous or adventuresome. When you’re out of your routine, the regular “rules” for sex do not apply. But time and money for a holiday aren’t always available. Recreate vacation sex by making your bedroom your sexual sanctuary. Remove clutter, invest in good sheets, and set the mood. Research suggests women, in particular, have a hard time getting aroused in a dirty and messy place. So let the talk be dirty, and the room be clean – your sex life will thank you.
One of the latest trends in sex therapy is mindfulness. Often during a sexual encounter our minds wander to tasks at work, issues with the kids, and more. When you aren’t attuned to the pleasurable sensations of sex, it’s more difficult to feel connected to your partner and to experience orgasm. When you feel a distracting thought come on, notice it and let it go. Purposefully focus on the sensations you are experiencing all over your body.
Despite how important foreplay is when it comes to sex (trust us, it’s important), there’s less emphasis on what happens after you’ve done the deed. A new study commissioned by the makers of Trojan™ brand condoms and the Sex Information Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) found that post-sex cuddles and affection can lead to a more pleasurable experience. This is especially the case for women: 71 per cent of women who had six to ten minutes of post sex affectionate behaviour rated their most recent intercourse as very pleasurable compared to 44 per cent of women who had zero to five minutes of post-sex affectionate behaviour. So don’t skimp on the cuddling!
In our recent midlife study, touching a partner’s genitals, and being touched ‘down there’ by a partner, were rated among the most pleasurable sexual activities. Almost all men and women (85 per cent) reported being touched by their partner in their last encounter, and more than 95 per cent found this pleasurable. 97 per cent of men (and 88 per cent of women) reported touching their partner was pleasurable! You have more control over your hands and fingers, so can stimulate pleasure points more precisely. And, hands and fingers have more stamina than other body parts!
Lube makes everything better! In our midlife study, participants who manually stimulated their partners with lube were more likely to rate the act as very pleasurable than if lube was not used. Sex of all kinds is better when slippery. It reduces friction, is gentler on your skin, and can help prevent condom breakage. Plus, now there are so many different kinds on the market, so go ahead, pick your favourite (or win it in this contest).
Most of the physical and emotional benefits of sex can be achieved with self-pleasuring. Yet few women report regular masturbation. In our recent midlife study, 57 per cent of women reported masturbating once a month or less often (and 75 per cent of men reported masturbating a few times a month or MORE often!). Self-pleasuring reduces stress, helps you learn about your body, and can enhance partnered sex by helping you to stay attuned to pleasurable sensations.