It has been eight months since I traded my full-time, work-outside-of-the-home job for some freelance writing work and the opportunity to be at home with my children full-time. This was something that I wanted—desperately wanted, so much so that we moved 300 km to a new town in order to make this happen. And now that I’ve been doing it for a bit, I keep asking myself (especially in the wake of the latest version of mommy-gate coming out of the U.S.), which is harder?
Is it a tougher job to work outside of the home full time, or is it a tougher job to be a full-time stay at home mom?
Well, some days I long for the (relative) peace and stability of my old office job, where I could socialize with adults, challenge myself mentally and drink my coffee hot. Especially when my kids are in a lousy mood, I’m tired, have a deadline, we have to be 50 places at once and then the school calls because somebody just threw up. So, working full-time is easier.
But some days, I recall the stress that was literally making me sick while I worked full-time—not because my job was so terrible, but because working there, then coming home (too late) to spend time with my kids (too little), make dinner, make lunches, alleviate guilt and try to do something with my life besides fall on the couch every night, exhausted, was killing me. Some days now, I don’t even have to get dressed. So, being a stay-at-home mom is easier.
It was harder working full-time. It is harder staying home.
I am my own mommy war.
Without even having to get into philosophical or feminist or political debates here, the idea of comparing the two, of saying that one group of mothers is working harder than the other, is simply a ridiculous way to pit women against each other. Attacking a woman’s choice to stay home or to work—which, by the way, is rarely a choice, so let’s get off of our high privileged horses in assuming that—serves only to assail the attacker’s own sense of self-righteous worth. And that? Is boring as well as hurtful.
There is one other thing I can say about my own experience, and I think it is pretty universal—there are many ways to take care of children; to ensure their happiness and well-being and that their needs are being met. And as long as a mother focuses on that, everybody wins.
Karen Green recently traded life in the biggest city in Canada for life in the biggest cornfield in Canada. Freed from her full-time job as a writer and editor, Karen now spends her time…writing and editing. And frolicking in the leaves with her two small girls. Karen is a speaker, the founder of Mom The Vote and the author of the blog, The Kids Are Alright, where she has been writing about the humorous and poignant moments of family life since 2005. She is thrilled to be a part of canadianfamily.ca.